“Mom, my butt hurts, I’m cold and wet, hungry, and it looks terrible outside today. I think I’m going to play video games all day,” I said as I was shivering in the front seat of our family’s eight passenger, white, Chevy Astro van. My mom had just picked up my sisters Emily, Katie, and I from swim practice and had my little brother David and my little sister Maggie riding along.
“You’re disgusting,” replied my mom as she laughed and gave me a small shove on my shoulder, “Is that all you do is complain?” When we finally pulled into our driveway, everyone knew what was going to happen next. The doors would unlock and then fling open like in a derby horse race, and we would race to the backdoor which would open and we would race to the shower and bathrooms.
“I’ll be back in five minutes, honey. I’m just going to pick up the other kids from swim practice,” my mother said as she walked onto the back porch area where she was met with some resistance. “Stevie, can you come get you’re your sister off my leg? No sweetie you can’t come with me. I told you, I’ll be back in five minutes, I promise,” my mom said as she was prying off Maggie. I am one of nine children so my mom can’t take us everywhere she goes. She left me in charge with Emily, Katie, and Maggie and my little brother David she went to pick up my other siblings Rachael, Anna, and Ryan. (My youngest sister Jennifer has not yet been born therefore Maggie is still the youngest). “Behave yourselves,” my mother said over her shoulder as she walked out the door.
“I’m going upstairs to my room to play my video games. If you need anything just yell and try not to fight with each other,” I yelled as I was walking up the stairs. I became more excited with each step I took towards my room. I entered through the doorway and suddenly stopped. I starred very hard at my t.v. screen that was about ten feet in front of me. Then my eyes traveled down to my Nintendo 64. It was black but was a little off color due to the amount of dust that had piled up on it over time. Stuck in the middle of the Nintendo was a small rounded gray box that had a colorful picture on it and the symbols NHL 64. I looked from the gray box to my bare feet. When I had come into my room I heard something. It was something so shocking, so spine tingling, that it ran goose bumps down my back and around my arms and legs. This sound was nothing other than a little voice in my head saying, “I have to pee.” I wanted to ignore the voice and the urge to urinate coming from my bladder but gave in to my instincts and used the restroom that was only two feet to my right. I then proceed to allow my brains to be reduced to mash potatoes.
It was not but five minutes after I started the hockey game and my mother left that I heard glass break. The sound of glass breaking in our house was nothing foreign to me. I lived in a house with nine other people, someone is going to be clumsy and drop a glass cup or a plate.
“I think that was glass breaking,” I said to myself, “Oh well, I’m just going to stay here and play my video game because I don’t feel like getting up from this nice relaxing, comfortable, chair. On second thought no one is very bright down there; I better go check it out.”
My Nintendo 64 hockey game when all of a sudden I heard some glass break. It was no but five minutes after mom left and someone has already broken something I said to myself as I paused my hockey game. I remember telling myself that I better go get on to whoever did it. I went down the stairs and looked over the railing and saw a man walking down our hallway dressed in nice clothes. I figured it was some worker man that my dad hired to look at our house. This all changed when my eyes looked from him to the back porch where there was glass everywhere. There was a wedge that was used as the tool to break the glass. I said to myself, “This can not be happening.” I followed the man with my eyes into my mom’s room where I heard a lot of rummaging around and then into Anna’s room. Then something happened that was extremely unexpecting. The man toward the stairs, looked up at me, and started quickly walking up the stairs. My eyes grew so big. I remember it all in slow motion. I turned and ran as fast as I could into my bathroom which is not that far from the doorway to my room. I flew the door open and quickly flung it behind me hoping and praying that the man wouldn’t try to come inside. I remember holding the door with all my might and saying to myself, “please don’t do this to me. Please don’t come in here,” over and over again. As I was praying and holding the door for my life I paid close attention to the man’s foot steps. I heard a lot of rummaging around in my room then I heard his footsteps go past the door and go into my sisters room. I kept on listening closely and heard him finally go down the stairs. I quietly opened the door and slipped down the stairs to where I first saw him. I saw him leave and saw my sisters and little brother emerge from the living room with fear written all over their faces. I immediately called the police and told them that we were just broken into.
Paper #3
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October 16, 2009 at 3:41 pm |
I think the main point of your paper is that someone broke into your house and it was a traumatizing experience. I thought it was very well written. There isnt one place that i was interested in because i thought the whole story was interesting. I was hooked the whole time.
October 16, 2009 at 3:51 pm |
1. main point: scary story about someone breaking into your house.
2. I love the detail in describing the criminal, very scary!!
October 16, 2009 at 4:04 pm |
well dang..thats pretty scary. I used to have nightmares of this happening to me as a kid. But I like the story…what did he steal?
October 16, 2009 at 4:11 pm |
Its a good story…i like it but it did get a little confusing and repetitive where you were talking about when the glass broke and you were playing N64